Tag Archives: entertainment

Ted, Teddy, Holy F**k!

Have you seen Ted? No? Why not!?

I was very skeptical about this film but I decided to go see it because I was less skeptical about Ted than I was about the Amazing Spider-man. I was not disappointed!  I laughed out loud several times at the inappropriate jokes, weird situations and awkward moments.  The dialogue is just insane and routinely points and laughs at it’s self, which is something few movies do….it really makes fun of the obvious flaws in the plot and the uncanny similarity between Ted and Peter Griffin.

The humor in this film is inappropriate in the way that Family Guy is inappropriate, it’s socially/politically incorrect and dares to comment on situations that, most of us, purposely avoid discussing.  The novelty of this profane insanity coming from a stuffed animal never wears off! You never really get use to the adult attitude, voice or mannerisms…nearly every scene is surprising, solely because it’s such an absurd concept. The plot is a classic romance scenario in which a friendship is broken up in favor of an increasingly serious romantic-attachment.  This traditional storyline is shaken up by an interesting kidnapping scenario (enter Giovanni Ribisi – who plays an EXCELLENT CREEP) and is ended with a reverse-reverse Velveteen Rabbit, which is bastardized by even more political incorrectness.  The ending, which is initially sad and uncomfortable is quickly rerouted into something hilarious and awkward.  This R-rated Pinocchio-like tale is all-in-all a really funny film for those out there who do have a crass sense of humor or who can at least appreciate one.  Many aspects of this film are offensive and derogatory so perhaps keep that in mind if you are planning to see it and remember – yes, the main character is a Teddy Bear but, no, it’s not a children’s movie.  This is as much of a children’s movie as Pan’s Labyrinth is….and I know several parents that made that mistake o.O

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Snow White and the Hunstman…such a Painful Cinematic Experience.

What a flop.

I have to acknowledge that Charlize Theron plays a crazy bitch, wickedly well!  She was absolutely the shining star in this film.  Unfortunately that is the only positive thing I can merit this film with.  I understand that this is suppose to be a re-take on the classical story but is it really? The only ‘new’ concept in this film is portraying Snow White as a Joan of Arc type figure – only much less capable. Truthfully, I can’t even say that’s a new concept. If you have ever watched the television show Once Upon a Time, the Snow White character in that series is also a warrior and that show wrapped it’s first season before this film was released. So I guess there goes that original concept.

Another shortcoming was that the storyline felt disjointed and rushed. The Huntsman and White never really have a strong scene together to solidify there relationship (whatever that may be) or get the audience to invest in them emotionally….then we are expected to “buy” into the idea that the Huntsman’s feelings are strong enough to wake Snow White from her slumber? He’s still carrying a torch for his deceased wife, he has zero interest in White and then he kisses her….why would he kiss her? The other man, William, her childhood friend who has loved White from the start (and who she presumably has feelings for, hence how she was poisoned to begin with) kisses her to no effect. WTF? It makes no sense.  True love’s kiss is what breaks spells….not a smooch from a morally bereft alcoholic. Then there are the dwarves. Where to begin? The fact that they were played by regular size people is an issue, the fact that there dialogue was largely frivolous (completely unnecessary) and the ambiance they provided was strange and awkward….another issue.  They really serve no purpose in the film and seem to be inserted into the story as mere compliance to the Snow White theme. I would even hazard to say they were an afterthought….something written into the plot after the fact – that’s how poorly their presence fits into the film.

Oh, I almost forgot. The piece de resistance! Kristen Stewart.  Let’s talk about awkward.  The pre-battle speech near the end of the film was weird and unbelievable.  I’m sorry but that rally wouldn’t have won anyone over. I know she didn’t write the script, so perhaps the writer’s need a slap on the wrist there but her delivery was horrendous. It was like she didn’t understand the context in which she was speaking. She raised her voice at the wrong parts of the the speech and when she enters the room initially (upon waking from her poisonous slumber) she doesn’t get much of a delighted or celebratory reception – then she busts into a battle rallying testament. Once again I cry – WTF?! Who wrote this!?  The chick pretty much just woke from the dead and the only sound is crickets? A precursory conversation with the Duke and then she morphs into a warrior? Holy hell this is going to get a lot of Razzies.

My personal feeling is that Kristen kills characters.  Truly.  I read Twilight, the books were very engaging, yes it’s teen fiction, but they were page turners! I was invested in those books. Kristen killed Bella. I feel like she looked the part but her tendency to attempt to appear reserved, unsure and nervous makes you feel ashamed to watch her.  Example? The kiss she gives William in the Woods before she eats the poisonous apple (and the scene after eating the apple :S).  She looked like she wasn’t sure what a kiss was…or like she was kissing a bear-trap. Perhaps I’m being too harsh and all the blame should be lain at the feet of the script-writers? Poor Kristen, really. How could she have possibly embodied a character that was so poorly defined? Snow White starts as a helpless child, then helpless girl in a cell, then bold escape artist, then helpless girl running (aided by the birds), then helpless girl in the woods, then helpless girl aided by Huntsman, then brave powerful woman having a Mexican-standoff with a troll, then a negotiator, then mother-nature, then lover, then martyr, then walking-dead, then crusade captain, murderer and finally Queen.  Seriously, that’s the progression of the character with ZERO transition explaining or describing her evolution. She’s scared and helpless, then she’s not, then she is again and then she’s not.  So bizarre.  Honestly, this isn’t even the tip of the awful iceberg but I can only tear something apart for so long before I start feeling sorry for it. I’m at that point now.

I’d like to hear your take on it, did you enjoy it or do you want your money back?

 

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Prometheus: A Film Review

Let’s start by stating that, yes, it is a prequel to the 1979 film, “Alien,” even the movie poster pays homage to it – so lets not argue! Interestingly enough, it received a 74% approval rate from critics and viewers alike, according to Rotten Tomatoes.  However, if you are anything like me, then your tastes never coincide with Rotten Tomatoes statistics…sometimes I wonder if critics and viewers just saw the same film I did, but that’s neither here nor there at the moment!  Typically I find Rotten Tomatoes to be right about 60% of the time (where viewers votes are concerned) but if a movie has been touted as being AMAZING or OSCAR-WORTHY for weeks before it’s debut, viewers become zombie’s and rate a film really well even if it was not the greatest. So I believe in making up your own mind about a film and don’t avoid watching it just because you heard some things or your friends didn’t appreciate it.  Keeping that in mind, I am attempting to be honest about the films I cover, giving credit where it is due and pointing out the flaws, when they exist. So get your grain of salt ready.  Also, I have my own built-in biases – naturally. I love movies with really clever dialogue and humor and I strongly dislike slap-stick comedy, I am also very critical of modern horror movies BUT I will try my best to remain impartial. Feel free to point out if I am being unfair!

Without further ado, let’s get to it!

The acting in this film was incredible, it was visually stunning and the dialogue was well-written. So where did it fall short? Probably the biggest failing, if you can call it that, was the tempo of the film. It was slow moving – which made it difficult to sit through a midnight sneak-peek and it was fairly anti-climactic. Somehow I was expecting much more action.  If you are going to create a film of this nature and have as much build-up throughout the movie, as this one does, it better be worth sitting through that build-up.  I mean, you better blow my mind with action sequences, edge of my seat thrills and a bombardment of horrifying creatures for a decent portion of the film. I wanted more suspense and more pay-off for that suspense.

Although this movie should be considered to have its own identity, being a ‘prequel’ means that comparisons are unavoidable. It has a lot to live up to in the action department where the other ‘Alien’ movies are concerned. It just didn’t fill the shoes of its predecessors in that department.  Another beef? It was in 3D and once again, it was actually a movie that could have truly utilized 3D, but didn’t.  Why use 3D if you’re not actually going to USE 3D. You know what I mean? Things should be flying at my face, blood splattering at me, weapon and debris whizzing past my head…I feel that making a film in 3D these days, simply means they can charge you an extra $6.00 for your ticket which includes cheap glasses, that they expect you to return after the film.

I would recommend seeing this film for certain components, just like True Grit or Avatar. True Grit was incredibly acted and Avatar was visually mesmerizing….but were any of them the whole package? No. Neither is Prometheus. It is worth seeing for certain aspects but overall…I’d wait for the Blue-Ray to hit the shelves.

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Film News for Diesel Fans

This is, in many ways old news, but when I mention it in public everyone is surprised…I am apparently the only one who knows?! SO, if you are a die-hard Vin Diesel fan (then you should already know this) but if you don’t – brace yourself! The next installment of the Chronicles of Riddick is said to hit theatres in early 2013 – so hopefully we will begin seeing trailers for it this summer/fall! Filming is completed and they are in post-production now, “The studio said the earliest they could release the new “Riddick” is in January… was hoping for 2012… but, it’s on the horizon.” said Vin in April after wrapping on filming and leaking a few still shots of the film for his fans.  He also said “I think they [The studio] are liking what they are seeing… haha, cause they asked when both Underverse and Furya would be ready to make and release…” indicating that additional installments of the movie franchise are also in the early works! (Sweet!)  What’s the most exciting part of the new Riddick film? In my opinion? The “R” rating that the studio agreed to let it have after much debate and a BIG push from the Pitch Black/Chronicle’s of Riddick fan base, via Vin’s fan page. So with any luck, this rating is going to translate to an even grittier Riddick, perhaps an even more realistic version of the character. Expect some harsh language, way more gore and nudity. I promise you that I will be seeing this opening night and reviewing the crap out of it right after – especially because I have been anticipating it for almost 2 years already!

In other Vin news, preproduction has begun on the next Fast and Furious film, which will be the sixth chapter of the epic drag-racing, meets romance, meets crime franchise. In this chapter we are anticipating the return of “Letty” (Michelle Rodriguez) to the cast, who was presumed to have been killed in the previous chapter – Fast Five. You can also be sure that this “Fast” film will be changing up its scenery, yet again! Originally taking place in the United States, subsequent additions to the franchise have visited Tokyo and Brazil and this film will be keeping pace with that trend by taking place in Europe.  In the (hopefully) near(ish) future we will also be seeing Vin capture the essence of “Hannibal” a film based on the Carthaginian conqueror – not the cannibal – famous for leading an army over the Alps (complete with war elephants) in order to attack Rome in the Second Punic War. This project was announced over a decade ago and seems to have been put on the back-burner, for lack of a better phrase.  It’s a near and dear project for Vin though as he is not only starring in it but also directing.  We, the fans, are hoping it begins to make its way into production sooner rather than later because the suspense is brutal. You can consider this my attempt at putting the studios “on notice.” Another whisper I have been privy to is that Vin will be reprising his role as Xander Cage in a new XXX film – fingers crossed because NO ONE else can play XXX and if Vin Diesel isn’t starring in it then the project should just be shelved indefinitely. Am I right?

Check back on May 25th/26th to read my first film review – hopefully not a scathing one – for the newest Men in Black movie. Also this week you can expect to see my first beauty product review, I will be reviewing Oil of Olay’s Anti-Aging Daily Moisturizer.

Thanks for reading,

Red.

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