Fifty Shades of Twilight

I realize that Fifty Shades of Grey is not a film…however – it likely will be in the near future so I’m going to over analyze it now! Also…just in case any casting director sees this blog…the natural choice for Christian is Alexander Skarsgard.  But this is quite beside the point.

So is it just me? Or has someone else realized that Fifty Shades of Grey is Twilight minus the vampires…plus Viagra.  You don’t see it? Really?  Well let me break it down for you.  We have Ana, sweet-clueless, self-deprecating and seriously clumsy Ana…who coincidentally is beautiful but thinks she’s average. Hmm…that sounds a lot like Bella Swan to me.  Then we have Christian, gorgeous, rich, built like a god, aloof and brilliant….is that Edward? Why I do believe it is! Furthermore, Christian was adopted and so were all his siblings….now that I think of it…the whole Cullen family is adopted aren’t they? Strange.  Christian is inexplicably drawn to Ana and despite warning her off he just cannot keep away from her and cannot help but be concerned for her safety.  Do I even need to point out the parallel between Edward and Bella here?  Ana’s parents are divorced and her mom is described as “hair-brained” and has remarried.  Ana also has a distant but fond relationship with her father who is emotionally reserved, socially awkward and enjoys fishing. By golly! I seem to remember this family dynamic from somewhere….is this the Swan family and Charlie?! Then of course there is Jose, the Jacob character, who like Jacob, is pushy with his feelings toward Ana who is not romantically interested in him…although he is gorgeous and clearly the safer choice.

So what’s the difference?  Christian is a sex-crazed S&M control freak and Ana is an idiot (willing to concede that Bella is no Steven Hawking). That’s pretty much the dividing principle between the two stories.  So now that we have confirmed that there isn’t a shred of originality here…I’d like to point out a few other issues.  Did you notice the spelling/grammatical errors? I found three in the first half of the book where the wrong suffix has been applied thus rendering a whole sentence unreadable. It’s really annoying.  This is a professionally published work and they can’t seem to find time to proofread?  As a side note, I am available to proofread any of your future publications, Vintage Books.  Did you also notice the repetition of descriptives during the sex-scenes? The same words are utilized repeatedly, the phrase “Oh my,” is now indelibly embossed on my corneas and by the mid-way point of the book I was bored. I’ve been more creative in a 5 line text message than James has been in nearly 400 pages.

So…after doing some research I discovered this tidbit on Wikipedia.

The Fifty Shades trilogy was developed from a Twilightfan fiction originally titled Master of the Universe and published episodically on fan-fiction websites under the pen name “Snowqueens Icedragon”. The piece featured characters named after Stephenie Meyer‘s characters in Twilight, Edward Cullen and Bella Swan. After comments concerning the sexual nature of the material, James removed the story from the fan-fiction websites and published it on her own website, FiftyShades.com. Later she rewrote Master of the Universe as an original piece, with the principal characters renamed Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele and removed it from her website prior to publication.[7] Meyer commented on the series, saying “that’s really not my genre, not my thing … Good on her — she’s doing well. That’s great!”

Perfect…so now that we have confirmed that this is, indeed, a rip-off of Twilight, I can get on with my life and waiting for the film adaptation that is currently being bid on by three different studios. My only hope if that this film is acted better than Twilight!  Good Grief.

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