Snow White and the Hunstman…such a Painful Cinematic Experience.

What a flop.

I have to acknowledge that Charlize Theron plays a crazy bitch, wickedly well!  She was absolutely the shining star in this film.  Unfortunately that is the only positive thing I can merit this film with.  I understand that this is suppose to be a re-take on the classical story but is it really? The only ‘new’ concept in this film is portraying Snow White as a Joan of Arc type figure – only much less capable. Truthfully, I can’t even say that’s a new concept. If you have ever watched the television show Once Upon a Time, the Snow White character in that series is also a warrior and that show wrapped it’s first season before this film was released. So I guess there goes that original concept.

Another shortcoming was that the storyline felt disjointed and rushed. The Huntsman and White never really have a strong scene together to solidify there relationship (whatever that may be) or get the audience to invest in them emotionally….then we are expected to “buy” into the idea that the Huntsman’s feelings are strong enough to wake Snow White from her slumber? He’s still carrying a torch for his deceased wife, he has zero interest in White and then he kisses her….why would he kiss her? The other man, William, her childhood friend who has loved White from the start (and who she presumably has feelings for, hence how she was poisoned to begin with) kisses her to no effect. WTF? It makes no sense.  True love’s kiss is what breaks spells….not a smooch from a morally bereft alcoholic. Then there are the dwarves. Where to begin? The fact that they were played by regular size people is an issue, the fact that there dialogue was largely frivolous (completely unnecessary) and the ambiance they provided was strange and awkward….another issue.  They really serve no purpose in the film and seem to be inserted into the story as mere compliance to the Snow White theme. I would even hazard to say they were an afterthought….something written into the plot after the fact – that’s how poorly their presence fits into the film.

Oh, I almost forgot. The piece de resistance! Kristen Stewart.  Let’s talk about awkward.  The pre-battle speech near the end of the film was weird and unbelievable.  I’m sorry but that rally wouldn’t have won anyone over. I know she didn’t write the script, so perhaps the writer’s need a slap on the wrist there but her delivery was horrendous. It was like she didn’t understand the context in which she was speaking. She raised her voice at the wrong parts of the the speech and when she enters the room initially (upon waking from her poisonous slumber) she doesn’t get much of a delighted or celebratory reception – then she busts into a battle rallying testament. Once again I cry – WTF?! Who wrote this!?  The chick pretty much just woke from the dead and the only sound is crickets? A precursory conversation with the Duke and then she morphs into a warrior? Holy hell this is going to get a lot of Razzies.

My personal feeling is that Kristen kills characters.  Truly.  I read Twilight, the books were very engaging, yes it’s teen fiction, but they were page turners! I was invested in those books. Kristen killed Bella. I feel like she looked the part but her tendency to attempt to appear reserved, unsure and nervous makes you feel ashamed to watch her.  Example? The kiss she gives William in the Woods before she eats the poisonous apple (and the scene after eating the apple :S).  She looked like she wasn’t sure what a kiss was…or like she was kissing a bear-trap. Perhaps I’m being too harsh and all the blame should be lain at the feet of the script-writers? Poor Kristen, really. How could she have possibly embodied a character that was so poorly defined? Snow White starts as a helpless child, then helpless girl in a cell, then bold escape artist, then helpless girl running (aided by the birds), then helpless girl in the woods, then helpless girl aided by Huntsman, then brave powerful woman having a Mexican-standoff with a troll, then a negotiator, then mother-nature, then lover, then martyr, then walking-dead, then crusade captain, murderer and finally Queen.  Seriously, that’s the progression of the character with ZERO transition explaining or describing her evolution. She’s scared and helpless, then she’s not, then she is again and then she’s not.  So bizarre.  Honestly, this isn’t even the tip of the awful iceberg but I can only tear something apart for so long before I start feeling sorry for it. I’m at that point now.

I’d like to hear your take on it, did you enjoy it or do you want your money back?